The Weakly Video - The Breakfast Club on Finntroll's Ursvamp

Some guy had the same idea as I, just for the Breakfast Club though, and it's awesome.

My first video

Awww how sweet! I'm on Youtube!

The Simpsons movie revealed

-Bart dies

-Homer dies (chokes after eating the pig)

-Maggie talks

-Lisa is a lesbian and moves to Canada

-Marge gets kidnapped

-Flanders is gay

-Grandpa (finally) dies

-Patty and Selma's house burns down

-Krusty is a pedofile

-Springfield is blown to pieces

-Moe suffers from liver cancer

-Smithers quits Burns

-Burns finds his long lost and forgotten wife (still alive?)

-Green Day is best in the Simpsons Movie than alive

-France sucks

-The movie is awesome.

















































Go see it!

The Weakly Video - Fuck the Wii

Finally somebody said the right words about the Wii. Who else could be better but Sarcastic Gamer?




(the mp3 for this wasn't available so here's the fan vid)

Quote this and stick it up your doughnut

In 2002, 5 times more money was spent on Viagra and breast implants than on research on Alzheimer.
So... we can conclude that in 30 years time people will have big boobs and impressive boners but won't be able to remember what they're for...

The Girl Next Door (Fin)

Well, turns out it wasn't her, but man she still is pretty. But I think she lives with somebody, and anyways she's some 20-something working lady. I saw her on the phone, checking out some papers and files on the side of the pavement.

Oh well, it was still a rush!

Conversation de table

A table, mon père;

-Je suis rentré tôt aujourd'hui parce que je devais aller voir mon urologue.

-Ah bon t'as un urologue maintenant?

-Ben toujours!

-Pourquoi? T'as le cancer de la prostate?

-Non non c'est juste mon check up annuel.

-OK. Et alors ca va?

-Oh oui il était très sympa, il m'a fait un toucher rectal.

-!!!! WTF rah lalala!! Alors quoi il t'a foutu deux doigts?

-Non non...

-Ah bon...

-Juste un!

-!!!!!!!!!!

Burger King abolishes Trans Fats

We're saved!

Burger King Holdings Inc. said it would use trans-fat-free cooking oil at all its U.S. restaurants by the end of next year, following in the footsteps of other leading fast-food restaurants.

The world's second-largest hamburger chain said it was already using zero trans-fat oil in hundreds of its more than 7,100 U.S. restaurants. Burger King is known for its flame-broiled burgers, but the chain uses cooking oil for its French fries and most of its chicken products.

Los Angeles Times

Well then, better late than never, but nothing will stop that tasty Whopper from being so tasty. Any plans for Canada, if that hasn't already been taken care of?

The Weakly Video - VideoJug's Dating Humor

Their faces are priceless, that one guy reminds me of Monsieur Pringle. (See Step 5 of the first video!)






Somebody could've used the following video





Notice the resemblance:

Siamese twins discover 18 years later that their case was bogus

It was another day at Enfield town in the northern London borough of Enfield, but not for Mr. and Mrs. Jalapenovitch who have just been announced a week ago perhaps the most unexpected news in their life.

Mr. Kevin Jalapenovitch, of Serbian heritage, is a 48 year old businessman who has lived most of his life in Oakville, a town part of the Grand Toronto Area in Ontario, Canada. Kevin has fully succeeded in bringing the company he works in, NextWave Wireless, to a broader geographic level and has been transferred, him and his beloved wife and kids, to England, where he now lives in Enfield town. His wife, Elisabeth, is very busy taking care of her dear children, John and Romero, who are conjoined twins, joined apparently at the head.

"When I gave birth to John and Romero," says Elisabeth Jalapenovitch "the doctor first stared at the twins and then stared at me and said "Mrs. Jalapenovitch, I'm afraid there is a problem with your twins..." he stared more into my eyes and Kevin looked at me with perhaps the longest face I have ever seen. We didn't know what to do, all we could think of was if our babies would survive, if they would ever grow up, and if they do what would happen to their lives. All these questions just came rushing in our heads constantly for the first weeks until the doctor told us that nothing could be done. The babies were healthy and fine... but that's the way they would live forever. We didn't know what to do for them, but we knew we had to take care of them like normal kids, it was no reason for them to be different from any other child."

18 years have passed, and John and Romero, as healthy as ever, and already graduated but on a leap year, have lived a happy life and have bravely outcome its troubles and problems with perseverance and ambition.

Yet, it was not until last week on Tuesday that Elisabeth received a call from her new doctor in Enfield, Dr. Wiggleberring, after John and Romero had gone there for a yearly checkup. The news were stunning.

"He called me and said 'Mrs. Jalapenovitch, I'm not too sure how to say this. Your children are perfectly fine, in fact, they are finer than you could expect.'"

Indeed they were, it turns out that Dr. Wiggleberring has found out a remarkable trait about John and Romero, they were indeed joined at the head, but not at the skin, nor at the skull, nor at the brain, but at the hair. That's right. For 18 years now John and Romero have been conjoined twins, joined at the hair. A simple cut would have set them free since the beginning.

"We didn't know what to say to the boys," says Kevin after he learned the news. "We were afraid of their reaction, but we had to say it and the news was announced during dinner that night."

"I just couldn't hold my tears" explains Elisabeth, "after all these years, it was all a matter of hair, which the hair dressers never got to cut a lot around what we thought was the joined part!"

Then, next Friday, all Dr. Wiggleberring had to do was take out a pair of casual scissors and cut the joining hair. "This is the most interesting case of Siamese twins I have ever seen!" he tells us, "The joined hair never grew, it always stayed the same length, although apparently the skin cells seem to respond to the growing stimulus, and now that their hair has been cut it started growing back again. I think we might have been exposed to the most bogus case of conjoined twins ever. Who the hell could have been so dumb enough not to see this before?!"

John and Romero, as surprised and puzzle as never before, wished to keep their opinions private, but after their haircut, and an actual haircut as some sort of cheesy and ironical treat, have announced the news themselves to their whole family, and a great family reunion has been organized for next Christmas, back in Canada.

"The irony of it all" says Dr. Wiggleberring, "was that ever before I wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to be a hairdresser... I guess I'm ready to retire now"

The Weakly Video - William Kanengiser plays Mozart's Sonata A - Major KV 331 Alla Turca

He's classically trained to rock your fucking socks off

A new hope

No waaaaayyyy! Yippee yay! I think I got a new regular reader!! My bitch-tracker announces regular visits from a person living in the French region called Limousin, in a place called La Plaine, who uses Neuf Telecom as their internet provider, is on Firefox 1.5 and uses a Mac OS X (you loser!). Their screen resolution is 1024x768 and their IP is 86.70.2.75. Now come on! Don't be shy, step right up and denounce yourself, I know you're reading this!! This could be a great moment in the history of this wretched blog, we could finally have a second reader (that's right, only one person excluding me reads this crap), and an update on the link lists!
Now come on, come to papa, and tell me who you are! I got your number now, bitch!!! Leave your blog address if you have one too



I won't bite.

Teoman's Band of the Month - Tenacious D

Tenacious D... what can I say... It's the fucking D man, nothing can be said about The D they're just too good to talk about....

Tenacious D are:

-Jack Black (Vocals, Guitar)
-Kyle Gass (Lead Guitar, Vocals)

Alright I'm gonna give you reasons why they're so good;

-They keep it real

-They have caca-dookie humor

-They rock

-IT'S FUCKING JACK BLACK MAN!!!!

-They made a fucking awesome movie;

-They are the best tribute to all the best rock bands in the world before the 90s.

Of course you wouldn't notice how subjective to my opinion this list is, but when you listen to The D you get to see what awesomeness they have created, and what talent they combine in all of their single songs. Although they appear as a duo, their albums were recorded as a full band, with notably their first album, Tenacious D, which was recorded with Warren Fitzerald from The Vandals on the electric guitar, Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters on the drums, Page McConnell of Phish on the keyboard, and Steven Shane McDonald of Redd Kross on bass. Talk about talent huh!
They also appear in some other artist's clips (Foo Fighter's 'Learn to Fly' notably), and also did a duet with Sum 41 in their song 'Things I Want'.
Tenacious D have also starred in their own movie 'Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny', which is by the way fucking awesome, and I think have marked the decade we live in as a true rock band who doesn't take no bullshit from anyone and keeps it real, amongst a sea of poseurs, emos, and pussies.
Enough said, my words and descriptions have no match to the total awesomeness and divine being of The D.
Let this be a warning for Tenacious D to melt your insides into shit and send your brains out to the moon in this month of July!

The Girl Next Door

The other day I was nicely watching Robot Chicken. I looked randomly out the window as I heard a car engine starting outside. Just a Peugeot 206, with a man at the driver's seat, and a woman, about in her mid 30s or early 40s I'd say. Then came out of the building I live in a blond girl. She looked mid 20s, all I could see was her back though. Blond, rather tall, at least less than 180 cm, meh what would I know I was on the 2nd floor in my room, I didn't have a straight view of her. She also had unequally dyed hair; she had striped hair, some was blond, other a little darker. But one thing for sure it was long hair that came right below her shoulders. She was dressed rather serious, as if going to an office meeting. She wore black pants, with a light texture, and a black woman's blazer that showed out her thin silhouette. I must admit, she looked hot from behind. I just wondered I thought I saw this person before...
She walked out of the building at a steady and solid pace, and climbed into the 206 behind the driver's seat. I quickly got to see her face, but not enough to get a full view from where I was. She sat on the seat, and I could see she was wearing under her blazer some sort of light blue or white lady's shirt in the same texture of a T-Shirt. I also could see her boobs as she sat down. Rather small. Something like a B, and rather pointing down... weird... kind of a turn off, but at least they're natural.
That hair, I knew I saw it somewhere.


All of a sudden it just came right out to my face as the car was driving away. One name popped up to my head: Stella Delcroix. You sure don't know Stella Delcroix, she's a new French porn actress who has been around on Cauet's TV show lately in France. Not to the American's knowledge, but deserves to be! She's damn right hot, and she has the right moves. But then it went on further.... Stella Delcroix? In my house? In this building? A neighbor of mine could be in porn? Could this even be possible? Meh... it's maybe just any random chick with blond hair who went into that car.

Five minutes later the car came back, and that chick came out of it, apparently she went back into the building, she must've forgotten something. Great, so now I can get to see her face better! But how can it be easy by being discreet, making sure the other people in the car don't see you, and making sure that you can see her actually clearly through the balcony bars!
Ugh, I couldn't see her well again! It's probably not her anyway!

But what a rush

The next day I went out to Parly2 to get some shit done for my cats. When I came back home I checked the mail, and our mail boxes are all packed like morgue drawers at the entry of the building, altogether with separate name tags. Mine, of course is Pontais, just my dad's magazines and some random letters. As I was reaching for the mail I was looking at the other people's names as I like to make fun of them in my head, and see who is French, Black, Arabic, German, or English, or anything else. I see funky names as usual, mostly white French names. Then I saw that very name, the one and only that caught my eye. It was written there as spitting at my face, bitch-slapping it saying "Take that!". The name was crystal clear on the tag:

'DELCROIX'

No... this can't be it.... it must be another person, it's a rather popular name anyway! It could be anyone with this name! Maybe it could just be old retired people! Who knows!! hahaha!!

NO! It's Stella Delcroix, you saw her the other day coming out the building!! It was her, wit her pretty long hair, her B sized boobs!

But I didn't get to see her face well, it could be anyone with that blond hair! You know, this is France! People get all sorts of weird haircuts!

Can't you see? Your neighbor is a porn actress! And you want to fuck her! You want to fuck her hard and sodomize her blond little ass!

Yea but how can I be so sure?

Well, time to check it out, try to talk to her. Heh, who am I kidding, I'm not a woman's man! I can't talk to them, I cannot not be a stalker! It's too hard! And anyway, I knock at her door, I ask if she's Stella Delcroix, she says yes, where do I go from here? How do I continue the conversation, maybe she'd be with her producer or something! It weren't such a big deal if I'd knocked and they told me there is no such person as "Stella" and the problem would've been solved, and I could get a good night sleep!
But no. I gotta find a way to talk to her.
I talked to Gap, good old Guitar Gap, all he did was laugh and said one thing "Dude, you're like that guy from The Girl Next Door, you know the movie? Check it out it's good!"

Well, I thought that movie would teach me how to go talk to a porn actress, jeez!
I downloaded the movie fast, and I watched it that night.
What the fuck....
What kind of movie is this? The kid actually thinks he's got a chance to get along a serious relationship with a busy porn actress?
The kid keeps on getting tricked by Kelly the producer, and yet he still is cool with him all throughout the movie?! What a fucking pussy! I would've bitch slapped that dick producer by the time!
Who the fuck wrote this movie anyway? Well kudos to the guy who wrote the soundtrack and got the music, it's actually pretty good, but man, the guy who wrote the part for the main kid is a retard! What kind of kid is such a pussy at 17!! Virgins! I swear!
This movie pissed me off so much that I puked out my chocolate Muesli, yet I still watched it through the end, cos seriously, you're going out with a hot chick, you actually love her, and you find out she's in porn, fucking other men, I'd be so fucking pissed man! What the hell! I'd be so depressed!
This movie is fucking stupid, don't watch it seriously! The production is good, music is good, acting is good, actors are cool, but man jeez the scenario is so damn stupid and annoying! What a shitload of fuck!

Jeez!After seeing this movie I gave up, I'm not gonna talk to this girl next door, I'll just see if I randomly meet her downstairs one day. But I've lost interest, thank you, The Girl Next Door, damn movie! I'd have much bigger balls that the stupid fuck who lives the story in the movie! God damn!

Anyway, since then, I haven't seen her get out of the house. I might see her again maybe one day.
My situation is like a mix of The Girl Next Door with Rear Window. I spy on her when she comes out of her apartment.

Ugh.

What a week for that.

It was bound to happen some day!

You should've noticed that this blog just went underground.
Last night my mom discovered the awful truth and an hour long conversation followed the time when she saw the most offensive and low-level writings of her beloved son about the fact that this whole blog should be changed and/or stopped. Well I got a message for you, lady, it's called freedom of expression, and crap sells! Nobody apart from one random Chinese girl reads this blog, and some random Google searchers on the Internet. For this matter, I have put this blog underground.
I have changed subdomains and is now on Ice-Star2003, get it right, my blog will not appear on search engines from now on, and I have also changed the disclaimer. This, I know, will considerably reduce the number of international readers, or just readers, and reduce it to only readers I've given the address to. But I guess this is what it means to go underground.
The disclaimer has been reviewed, check it out:

Disclaimer: For documents available from this blog, Ice-Star2003 does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information or facts. This blog is not protected by any various provisions whatsoever. This blog is just full of complete bullshit and for that matter should not be viewed by anyone. You have accessed this blog at your own risks and Ice-Star2003 is not responsible for any consequence on your mental, physical health, characteristical and physical traits, and social life.

What a great way to celebrate the 100th post also! That's right, this very post is the 100th post and I couldn't give a flying fuck!
But I guess this 100th post would mark the time of this wretched blog when my mom found out about my blog. And you know what's awesome about Blogger? They got just the right stuff! So kids, if you've got a blog that you really wouldn't want your parents to discover, you better hide it and go underground. My advice, you don't want your mom bitching about how her sweet son can be reduced to such a level, and that this is not the way that I have been raised after all the love and attention I was given, what if somebody saw this blog I could get arrested at the customs in the airport and go to jail or be captured by the Turkish government bla bla bla blar! god dammit there are more people out there who deserve to go to jail than I! Fuck them, not me!
What a day!