Monday, October 30, 2006

I wish you an unhappy halloween


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"Why??" You might ask in a highly philosophical, thoughtful and pensive intonation...
Now before you stir your shit with theories and Greek philosophers (or some TOK mumbo jumbo as one would say .... "hmm hmm yes hm yes yes Hamlet! Hamlet yes... hm! Hamlet!" (no its not a sex scene; its thoughts)) would you mind me explaining? I hardly believe I would give a crap if you WOULD mind me explaining!

Halloween... is it supposed to be happy? Isn't it supposed to be... scary? Isn't it supposed to be your worst nightmare?? Well you might say "no cos I get candy everytime!" Well sure if you're aged 3 to 12 or if your name is Daniel Portet thats what you would say... although Daniel would say candies are a product of satan and cause harmful bacteria to react with your saliva and provoke tooth decay which would make you see a dentist which is why for 75 euros a month you can join me and the Watchtower community and seek the true meaning of life and rid the world from satan's evil ways... death to McDonald's!

Alright so as I was saying, isn't Halloween supposed to be scary? Yes it is, so why would you want to wish people a happy halloween? Why not a scary halloween? That would be more adequate now wouldn't it?

Helloween here in Canada is amazing! They actually celebrate it! Every single house has its own little halloween altar with pumpkins, witches, and a shitfuckingload of artificial cotton spider web! What did we get in France? well.. just a rock... Pretty sad huh
Well here what do we got... carnivals, parades... actual haunted houses. Some carnies downtown have built an actual haunted house with tonnes of actors inside to scare you. For 30 bucks you can get yourself 2 hours of inferno. But I didn't feel like spending 30 bucks for that much. I mean, heck! I can just crash into your room, give you the scariest fright of your life and the best part is is that it's free!

I feel I have written enough. I was not made to write interminable articles about my thoughts.
Nevertheless I shall give you a lil treat for halloween! Yes I am considerate!
Here is a little video of a poem very well recited by Urgelt. Unfortunately the man disabled embedded vids so you'll have to click here and watch it directly on youtube. Enjoy, fuckers!

From Toronto with scare,
Teoman

Sunday, October 29, 2006

The Random Post

Turtle sex rocks man!
I was browsing the net last night aimlessly (once again) when I saw that my favorite website had hosted the video of a couple of turtles fucking... I just couldn't stop laughing to notice how both Man and turtle make the same noises when they cum...
The turtle does sound human when it copulates... see for yourself here

Just to end the post... which do you think sounds the most like a retard? The turtle? Or the people around?
How would you like it if 50 people laughed at you while you had sex and taped it all for their summer '06 vacation memorabilia?? HUH??



...well... I would... only if they threw me some money...

jeez am I bored at 1 in the morning...

From Toronto with randomness,
-Teoman

Monday, October 23, 2006

I remember Paris...

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Here I am, a brand new potential citizen of Canada, having lived 7 years in Paris, France.
Have I barely set foot here, am I already noticing that my grammar sucks.
But seriously, as I was aimlessly idling on the internet waiting for some magic to happen on my screen (no I wasn't watching porn) Roger suddenly came on the screen... well I don't mean he "came on the screen"... I mean he just appeared on MSN for a chat! And he showed me this very inspiring article he found about Paris.
I specifically am feeling cinical tonight concerning the criticism that might arise from deep patriotic parisians who will read the following article(s) as I am right now across the atlantic far from reach of those energumen that are the parisians... they can't touch me! (tanana... ta na na *can't touch me* wa wa wa wa...)
Alright stop!
Paris time:

First there was the Stockholm syndrome, then there was the Jerusalem syndrome, now psychiatrists have discovered the Paris syndrome. But don’t worry: you are not at risk unless you are young, female and Japanese.

According to Dr Hiroyki Ota, a Japanese national who works at the Sainte Anne hospital in Paris, more than 100 people pass through his consulting room every year exhibiting the same symptoms of nervous depression.

Around a quarter of them have to be hospitalised before being sent home.

In a book entitled The Paris Syndrome, he explains the progression of the disorder: first mild anxiety, then a growing persecution complex, fear of leaving home, despair and sometimes even suicide.

The cause is always the same: a bad social experience with a Parisian, triggering a profound sense of cultural alienation.

“The phenomenon is most common among those Japanese who prove themselves incapable of adapting to France because of a shock set off by a confrontation between the two cultures,” Ota says.

The Japanese have long had a love affair with Paris, nurtured by dreams of sophisticated manners coupled with physical elegance, exquisite food and lots of Louis Vuitton handbags. Most of the 28,000 Japanese residents of France live in the capital, which is visited every year by millions more.

What they find though is not always what they had been led to expect. “Often the people I show around are extremely disappointed,” said Akira Hasegawa, a Japanese tour guide who has been working in France for 15 years.

“They think Parisians are going to be clean and polite and friendly – and it’s the exact opposite. What they want is the old France – full of people like Jean Gabin and Alain Delon – but it’s not like that at all. You British have the same experience, no?” he says.

Nearly all of the victims of Paris syndrome are women, who tend to be more besotted with the city’s romantic image than men.

Press coverage of the French capital in Japan invariably plays up the “city of light” cliché, and the fact that several Japanese television and screen celebrities have chosen to settle there boosts the wannabe factor.

“There is a kind of Cinderella stereotype, especially among girls,” said Mina Hasegawa – no relation to Akira – who has been Paris correspondent for the Fuji Television Network for four years. “There are many women in their 20s and 30s who want to make a drastic change in their lives, and they come to Paris looking for an alternative.

“For the first month they feel happy and free, but then there’s a reaction. Suddenly the environment seems hostile,” she added.

It comes as no surprise to learn that for many young Japanese the most shocking discovery is the Parisians’ legendary rudeness.

For visitors from a country where relations between individuals are subject to a strict social code, the ordeal of being ignored by a surly waiter – or having a post office clerk deliberately misunderstand your attempts at French – must be painful indeed.

“In Japan the customer is God,” added Mina Hasegawa. “Not here.”

According to Ota: “The Japanese are shy and feel French impatience as an assault. Talking too much is seen as rude by Japanese people, who therefore go through torture to make themselves understood. And French humour can provoke feelings of persecution among the serious-minded Japanese.”

However, Bernard Delage, a Frenchman who runs the Association Jeunes Japon, argues that things today are at least better than they used to be.

“Up till 15 years ago it was really very hard to be Japanese in Paris. Everyone took them for Chinese – which they hate – and because they were rich back then before the recession, they were ripped off wherever they went,” said Delage, who helps Japanese executives and students settle in France.

“Today the problem is with a relatively small number of girls – spoiled types who come out with daddy’s money to experience the freedom. But they find they can’t cope,” he added.

“The same thing happens wherever the Japanese go abroad. For them other countries are always a cultural shock.

“What’s different in Paris is that they come here loving it more than anywhere else, secondly, Parisians are indeed unusually awful.”

Hugh Schofield, Paris, 19 December 2004

(Link)

And now the same text in Mandarin (so we also get the proof from the other side of the planet):

路透巴黎電---法國星期日報(Journal du Dimanche)報導,每年約有12名日本觀光客在造訪巴黎,身歷其境,遭受當地人不友善的對待,並親眼看到骯髒的街道,以致期望破滅後,需要接受心理治療。
服務於聖母大教堂附近神之家醫院(Hotel-Dieu hospital)的心理學家馬莫迪亞(Yousef Mahmoudia)告訴星期日報:「約有三分之一病患立即好轉,另有三分之一病情復發,其餘則罹患精神病。」
而就在今年,日本駐巴黎大使館必須送回至少四名觀光客,其中包括兩名婦女認為,旅館房內遭竊聽,並有對付她們的陰謀。
星期日報引述一名日本大使館官員的話說,先前的病例則包括,有一名男子自信是法王路易十四,而有名女性則認為,她遭微波攻擊。
心理學家班哈默告訴該報,當觀光客對某個國家的認知與事實衝突時,就可能導致危機,而脆弱的觀光客則會抓狂。
該報將這種心理現象稱作「巴黎症候群」(Paris Syndrome),而精神病學期刊《Nervure》早在2004年時,便率先詳加探討。
在法國協助日本家庭安頓的Bernard Delage of Jeunes Japon協會說:「在日本商店中,顧客至上;然而在這兒,店員幾乎不正眼瞧他們...使用大眾運輸工具的人看來都很嚴峻,而提包搶匪更加深了這種惡感。」(完)
--編譯 楊幼蘭;審校 張若琪

連結

There now the proof is set,
All I have to say is just:
Fuck you all you metrofuckingsexual gay faggot chale YSL, Dior, and Vuitton cocksucking crab people parisian motherfucking bastards. In the words of Jay:
"All you motherfuckers are gonna pay, you are the ones who are the ball lickers, we're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like lil whiny bitches! Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who's making the movie, we're gonna make them eat our shit, then shit out our shit and then eat their shit that's made up of our shit that we made them eat! And then all you motherfucks are next!
Love, Jay & Silent Bob"

Oh by the way... I'm being rude...did I even mention I hate Paris?

From Toronto with love,
Teoman
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