FAGs on MSN; or how to show off on MSN and fail to convince your contacts.

Here it is! The long awaited (and even perhaps by now forgotten) articles about a FAG on MSN.

-The following article has no goal to discriminate actual people of homosexual orientation whether they be gay, lesbian, queer, camps, dykes, fags, faggots, homos, batty boys, chi chi men, carpet munchers, poofs, fairies, fruits, snappers, pansies, queens, turners, backgammon players, or gentlemen of the back door. As you know I am very open to sexual conversation and freedom. This article has the goal to discriminate only FAGs, “French Aficionados of Gayness”, or in other terms “Metrosexuals”. Any homosexual person reading this should not feel guilty, harmed and if she still is, she can send a bitch-mail as indicated at the very bottom of this very page. After all, we all have homosexual tendencies, more or less! So enjoy, fuckers!-

And what’s the deal with FAGs anyway?? May I remind you that FAG, once again, stands for French Aficionado of Gayness. A popular terminology in France is “Challe” which we are not sure how to spell, whether it be “chal”, “shal”, “shall” or any other potentially valid spelling. In any case, FAGs are a plague!

You wondered why one of Paris’s nickname was Gay Paree? Well now you know; it’s the HQ of the crab people! The home of the gayest brands on earth along with England and Italy: YSL, Dior, Givenchi, and especially the most infamous Luis Vuitton! How I hate it… how I hate it! Metrosexuality sucks! It sucks ass! And I am not gonna describe what it is, what a FAG is, does, or doesn’t do. I guess by now everybody knows what a metrosexual basically is. If you don’t, then just fucking Google it.

Instead, I am going to talk about FAGs on MSN. I am ashamed of having FAGs on my MSN list, but I think everyone needs to have a couple of them just for the sake of pity and pathos for these…"people".

On MSN in France, FAGs love to tell their life story on their screen names. Just like virgins do it, in this case FAGs whether they be male or female, fucked or virgin, all tell their life on screen names. A few love adding those little emoticons to make it straight-edge and hip, like you know… they add some little hearts, or that one that looks like a vodka-martini. Some hard party guys (with alcoholic tendencies) would add cigarettes and the beer pint, but others who just feel like chilling and showing off how pimping they are would put stars.

In any case what most of the people will see on MSN from FAGs would be really really really banal, uninteresting and simply lame stuff about their lives. They will mostly add a “lol” or an “mdr” (mort de rire – dying of laughter) after a quote of one of their friends. Also, you would see other MSN-like expressions such as tkt, pronounce for “t’inquiete”, pronounced “tan-kiet”, which means “don’t worry” or “no problem!” just to be cool and show others that they are masters in the art of chilling…it’s all good in the hood, yo! So it would be reduced to something like:

“-Putain l’eau elle mouille!” mdr Kevin je t’m! on dchire tkt!

Which would mean:

“-Holy shit the water is wet!” lol Kevin ilovu! We rock don’t worry!

Yea like you guys TOTALLY rock like OH MY GOD! You guys rock the kingdom of morons indeed!

There was this guy once I added to MSN. He was the first guy actually who gave me this first MSN impression of FAGs. He was actually cool (ish) when I met him during my summer camp in Tunisia in 2003. Then later on what I learned on MSN without ever chatting with him was that he was a total loser (and still is)! I didn’t even need to chat with him to know what was up; he shared it online through his screen names! As an example, if you ever go on the Internet….well you are on it right now actually, you usually have popups or ads for AdultFriendFinder which feature fake pictures and fake names… like you’d see a hot chick, then under it a screen name such as BabyAngel4U, and depending on the country you’re in there would be the name of a close-by city in that country. For example, I noticed that the same chick with different screen names appeared in an ad in France, her “name” in France was supposedly BabyAngel4U and she was in Paris, now that I’m in Canada that same chick is called “HelloKitty69” and is apparently in Hamilton, Ontario! So just to tell you that it’s obvious how these ads lie to you.

So going back to our FAG - his name is Jeremie actually - once he was so proud of himself for some reason he opened a conversation with me and sent me right away a JPEG, adding to it “look who I’m chatting with right now” and then “I’m going to meet her next week!!" so I opened the picture and I was like “…cool…” but later on I learned that it was a fake picture cos I saw that very same picture on AdultFriendFinder's website’s ad!! In one word, Jeremie was PWNED!!!!!!!11!!!!one!N00b!

He might’ve been actually chatting with a pedophile!

As mentioned, you don’t need to talk to this guy to know what’s up in his life. It’s all written on his screen name. It actually changed. Now he thinks the new trend is to make your screen name a popular quote by some literate philosopher like Shakespeare…or Stendhal…or Freud of course. But during the times he used to have his life on his screen name, it built up into an anecdote that I really like telling people about to make fun of his sorry ass.

He’d been going on a lot about this Florence chick at some point. And one day, a few years ago, his screen name was something dedicated to a specific chick (Probably Florence) since it was always like “Thanks a lot for this date I had lots of fun tkt (remember that’s retard for “don’t worry”)”

Then another day his screen name was something like “I’m going to see her again!!! I can’t wait!!”

Then it changed a week later to “I can’t wait to see you soon honey!”

Then to “Oh it’s gonna be a wonderful day together I can’t wait” (how gayer could it get…oh yea…he could sing about it and start making out with birds and flowers…as in “zip-a-dee doo-daaaah zip-a-dee-ay! My oh my what a wonderful day! Birds are singing; worlds are turning! Flowers are growing; suns are shining!” eargh!)

Then we got closer to the due date with “One more week left and then I can see her again! I love you honey!”

Then he updated it everyday “ 5 days left” then 4, then 3, then “After tomorrow my love we’re gonna have the best day tkt!”

Then that was it: “Tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (just for the sake of gayness he could’ve added “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”)

Then nothing! I was really following this guy’s life story, but for 2 days after that fateful day (a Saturday) he didn’t go online!

Finally the following Monday he came back online, and his screen name was nothing more than

“Shit…why wasn’t she there?”

Et voila~

That was Jeremie’s story with girls all resumed on MSN through his screen name. I’ll give you some time to laugh.

Keep laughing!

No no go ahead I don’t mind!

A little bit more maybe?

Wanna read the story again for the sake of it?

You done?

OK?

Ok just read on now, dammit!

So then what happened to good ol’ Jeremie? Well I didn’t see him much online later so since he wasn’t online I couldn’t see what was up in his life!

Finally he got back online a couple of months later. And then his avatar changed to these pseudo rock guys in torn jeans who wear Ray Ban pilots (like myself!) from either the 90s (Like Kurt Cobain ish or Neil Young although he’s older) and his screen names had more to do with actual music. But it was lame coming from him, cos in his screen name he made tones of spelling mistakes. So his screen names were basically stuff like:

"Isn’t she lovery” de Stevie Wonder… tro bon cette musique!! [too good this music!!]

I mean wtf… what kind of a word is “lovery”?! I mean is it even possible to make such a typo?!?! Is the R that close to the L on the keyboard?? I mean if you type PL instead of OK that’s excused; if you type ;p; or kik instead of lol that’s alright too I guess…but…I mean… loveRy?!?! What the fuck does that mean?! How is it even possible to make such a typo and not even correct it! Is he that blind?? I guess loveky would’ve been accepted although it makes it look extremely retarded and funny sounding, but I mean man! LoveRy…way to go kid! If you wanna have the guts to show off your coolness at least take the time to check your typos, bitch!

Later on and even today his screen names are just quotes from some weird underground people nobody’s heard of…or sometimes has heard of. For example, 2 weeks ago his screen name was something like “We live, we die, and if something happens in between it’s better” which is a quote by Francis Bacon. Now this leads to two things:

-Where the hell did you read this off from to put it on your screen name and make yourself sound cultivated?

-What the fuck is this supposed to mean?

-Is this supposed to make me laugh?

Maybe I’m the retard who can’t understand “ancient literature” but seeing this guy trying to show something from that fruitlessly is quite sad. After some research, I figured he copied it off from “Recit d’un branleur” which literally means “A wanker’s tale” which I've heard of, it’s a French book written about some guy who creates a society and has emotional conflicts or just emotions that he shares with the reader…I mean I haven’t read it but I’d like to, it’s got nothing to do with wanking or being lazy. It’s just that, man, this quote that he put up on his screen name was so random man! I mean where the fuck did it come from all of a sudden? Now it’s just quotes all the time, and they’re usually boring and uninteresting.

Of course, Jeremie’s signature is not erased! Now on MSN since version 7.5 there’s a personal message box, where you can type the same crap as on your main screen name….it’s just extra space in Italic! Well, Jeremie decided to innovate by making the main screen name a quote from now on, and transfer his life story on to this personal message box! So we didn’t really lose him there! Last week (oh yea I still follow the guy!) the personal message was: “What to offer for Christmas to a 24 year old girl who’s done political science, has no passion or interest, and has become a lesbian?”…. now where the fuck has he been…what the fuck did he do? What has his life come to?! I missed a chunk there! Is this guy actually trying to hit on her?? Cos if he is then I would’ve thought I had seen everything! (Except for a guy eating his own head).

And finally, on this day of Thursday November 14^th 2006, his screen name is another quote, full of typos again, and his personal message is “I am pulmonary obsessed”… well I got nothing else to add.

If you wish to add him just for the fun of seeing his screen names on a weekly or daily basis (we never know what can show up) you better add him then block him right away so that he doesn’t annoy you with "heeeeeeey who are you???????????????". He might also delete or block you one day if you never go online but I duno, I guess I’ll post again if he ever plays it pseudo-cool again!

That was the story of Jeremie: a FAG of uncomprehended lifestyles.

What will he type next?

Well, the last time I talked to him I was so fed up with his bullshit that I said:

"You know, there are people like you who are pitiful, and other people like me who are not pitiful"

His reply was: that's pretty lol! I should put it on my screen name!

From Toronto NOT with any FAGs whatsoever cos I left them behind in France,
-Teoman

PS: I will let you delight yourself with two pictures. Spot the differences. Enjoy, fuckers!

The Old Generation:




The New Generation: