Ask Goreface69: Getting rid of FAGs

Chuan asks Goreface69:

“How do you get rid of FAGs?” (French Aficionados of Gayness)

Woow! Woow! Woow! Hold the phone toots, why all the hostility?? What did a FAG ever do to you??!! I think it’s personally rude to ask someone how to get rid of them. There I’ve said it: Chuan is rude! I personally trained hard in order to figure out by myself how to get rid of people and I’m sure these people appreciate that to some level.

Now if you are still stubborn enough to keep to your convictions, let me point out a few things.

1-FAGs like smoking and drinking. This is what keeps them alive. Hell if they had to choose between food and smoke they’d pick smoke and have themselves a bong in the morning (the most important time of the day), a smoke at lunchtime and a spliff…no… two spliffs at night during their nightly disco round. Then once it’s passed midnight they’ll smoke periodic cigs once they stop dancing. So if you deprive them of smoking they will feel un-hip and will go on asking other people for smokes, hence making these people get a bad view of them. Their smoke detector will be craving for the simplest puff there can be. In the end, with the inflation on tobacco prices more and more people will refuse to lend them their cigarettes, and they’ll socially die out. Ironically, not smoking will kill them!

2- Nevertheless some FAGs won’t smoke but you can bet your sweet ass that they like drinking. Drinking is like the scepter of “socially hip”. It’s their one way ticket to “can I come in and join your party and get drunk for no reason” land. So you can basically do the same trick with alcohol as you did with smoking

3- FAGs love not caring about the language they use. You can go on any skyblog or website written by a FAG and you’ll notice how hard it is to read their stuff. They mostly like using geeky language like the French version of L33T. As an example you’ll find a lot of this:

“ma chri j tm tro fo tro kon se vwa 1 jour t ma meyeur ami gro bixx a twa.”

Or

“yasim jtm tro! Tro tro cool 7 swaré ché momo o Malibu! Jte fé de gro bizu fo tro kon refas sa 1 jour mdr chiao!”

Then you got the ones that add in the incorrect grammar and speak like a clandestine eastern European immigrant:

“jtm tro! Tro for ce soiré ! fo kon refasss ca un swar é pui jm tro ce swar et puis et trop for 7 soiree ct genial! 1 jour ca sera chez wam tu va voir on va super se marrer ca va etr marran hein??? mdrrr allez jte les bjr a karim, kevin et charl-uber!”

So as you can see FAGs do not like correct, full Molierian French. So it’s easy to dodge: just bombard them with French! More French and more French and in the end they will just collapse like a neutron star. Give them expressions; teach them sentences, they’ll run away back to their MSN!

4-Originally what defines a FAG are his dresses and unfortunately you can’t do anything about it unless you bomb the crap out of the champs elysees. Unfortunately you’d be destroying one of france’s columns of economy and basically cover the country in shit if this has not already been done.

5-You can distract a FAG with the music he likes. You can always try yelling “Hey look! It’s the Benassi Bros. on a go-ped!” and run away when he’ll be looking away, or you can just turn up the volume of some random beat and submerge them into their music to such a point that they won’t notice you’ll be gone. It’s like giving porn to a man.

6-Offer them braces.

7-Shave their hair in their sleep

8-Present them discounts at hair dressers… they won’t appreciate it!

9-Hack their MSN and delete all their contacts that seem to count for them (they’re the ones with screen names that refer to other members of their “confession” about a past or upcoming event like “tro fort yasim 7 swar” or screen names that narrates their life like… “yesss j’ai 12 contacts! mdr” or “j’ai hate de te voir dem1 ma cherie! Ca va etre tro for le Malibu!”) and you’ll see them pissed off next morning.

10-Suggest a session at the dermatologist…they need it big time.

11-Bomb Radio FG...you know I actually wondered what FG stands for... Radio For Gays?

12-Kill Paris Hilton

But if none of these plans worked then I guess the only choice you have is to flee the country. Plus it’s unlucky enough for you to live in Paris, the HQ of the crab people (cf “South Park is Gay!”) so I guess it narrows down your choices. Nevertheless I know where you shouldn’t lay foot if you want to avoid the FAGs, and that is of course the 16th, the 8th, the 7th …well basically anywhere in Paris except for the 11th! No wonder why they call it Gay Paree over here.

Also don’t try to work for McDonald’s, that’s where you’ll see them all! Instead try out the KFC (or PFK as they call it here) in Marcel Sembat, you won’t see shit there an you’ll be paid minimum wage!

And as the old proverb says “If you cant beat’em, join’em” so be a FAG and join them in their games… but that’ll just reduce your culture and brain size and make you lose all your friends if you had any already and all the esteem and respect that you had accumulated from the others...if they had any.

Also if you wanna get rid of FAGs you could just kill them…

I'd like to say that I have nothing against gay people. But this article is not about gays it's about FAGs. Gays? Yes please. FAGs? No thank you!

Thanks for your question Chuan, I look forward to dominating you soon!