Le Calembour de la Semaine - Pasha et machette

-Votre femme était-elle heureuse?
-Elle menait une vie de pacha, monsieur!
-Vraiment?
-Elle disait tout le temps 'moi l'agriculture j'aime pacha, les animaux j'aime pacha, les céréales j'aime pacha!'"
-Et elle vous traitait comment?
-A grand coup de machette, monsieur!
-Comment?!
-Ben elle disait tout le temps 'J'veux qu'tu machette ceci, j'veux qu'tu machette cela!'"

--> j'aime pas ca
--> j'veux qu'tu m'achètes

Sexy Engrish

Wait till you get to the end where they apply the learned words in a conversation, it's fucking hilarious!

My big break on TV

Teoman Pontais... giving you a chilled plate of variety and I-don't-give-a-crap since 2004.

(eat at Burger King)

Well in the end I did get to see the insides of a television studio and see some anchormen (and women (to please the feminists)) that I didn't know. A little breakdown without too much detail:

We first went to the Corus Radio offices and their radio booths. First it was a News channel I forgot which one, I think AM640. The offices looked exactly how I expected, small corridors and each office a branch, with glass walls and windows, and Golden CDs all over the place. The offices were cool, some had open doors so I could peek in and notice some guys had a guitar in there, posters, signatures, a collection of backstage passes, a collection of framed CDs (I noticed Sum41's Chuck) and mostly posters of legendary bands. Since Corus Radio also owns Q107 Classic Rock I thought we were actually visiting the studios of Classic Rock. I got confused when I saw the actual studio booth of Q107; It was just a tiny tiny booth (like 2x1 meters), one console, all on the ground floor, just under a Hard Rock restaurant, with glass windows so you could see the host in the booth when walking by on the pavement. I should've taken a picture! Next time I go downtown and I pass in front of it I guess I'll make a special post just for it.

Then we went to 102.1 The Edge, which was just a couple of meters away from Q107. The studio is small, yet bigger than Q107, its like... 20 by 10 meter, and the studio and the reception are in the same room. Everything is just one room, with glass windows showing towards the street, so bypassers can see what's going on inside here too. They told me that you can hear the traffic in the back when the host talks on air. Funky. The studio was pretty good though, there was a wall of fame with the biggest rock bands. They told us that some bands came to play live in that small studio, like Foo Fighters (that's the only name I heard and remember).
There really is everything on the wall of fame, even a giant Quagmire:

Quagmire welcomes you to 102.1 The Edge! Giggity Giggity


There really is everything on the wall...


...everything...


...once again that's "everything"!


And Quagmire always appreciates a lil company...heh heh aawwwriiiiiiiiiiiight!
(...but two wholes can't make a whole without a hole! Giggity Giggity)

Then we took off in the subway, destination the CHUM Limited building. (Where you get CityTV and the Much channels like MuchLOUD, MuchMusic, MuchMoreMusic, MuchMoreRetro... oh and of course SexTV.) Much is basically MTV, but Canadian and with less crap, and more criticism. The sucky thing is that I didn't know the channel. I don't watch TV anymore, so I didn't know who were the famous guys and the anchorpeople. A lot of people recognised them and pointed, but I just recognised them from the way they were dressed, and the way their hair was made. It was obvious. The anchormen were the only ones with a suit and ties, and the women were the only ones with fancy dresses. I noticed Michael Kuss, since he was in front of his computers browsing satellite pictures of the weather and doing a report so I thought to myself "hm he must be the meteorologist." I noticed this guy too, Gord Martineau he's called. He was the most obvious, he had a tie, a suit, a big coat like inspector Columbo, and nice combed hair. So after all you don't need to watch television to see who is a personality in the news.

Finally starting at 5 we were on Much On Demand. The audience was tiny, just 3 rows, and about 50 kids in the audience. Some had really snobbish suits. I'm not against it, but I wondered what was the deal with that on a music show. I was sitting in the 3rd row in the middle, right behind the VJs (video jockeys), so we saw me a lot, I could see myself on the main screen which shows what the viewers see. It looked like I had a huge fluff on the head. But oh well. Let's just say that the screen resolution was not big enough...

We had to clap a lot, and smile all the time the camera was on us. It was tiring but cool. Sarah Taylor was hot! I loved her afro!

So this is it, this was the right one. I had to wait this time in order to correctly participate in a TV show. Last time I had the chance I was just 13. bleh.

In the end we took pictures with the VJs, keeps a good souvenir.

The Redneck and the Punk, ready to kick some ass.
(VJ: Tim Deegan)


The Mob
(VJ: Matte Babel)

Throughout the day I kept on thinking of the one and only thing that TV always reminds me of. The famous quote that Freddy Krueger so epically and memorably said just before killing Jennifer Caulfield in Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors;

"This is it Jennifer;

Your big break on TV!!!
WELCOME TO PRIME TIME, BITCH!!"
-Freddy

From Toronto with OMG MOM I'M ON TEEVEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Teoman

Le Calembour de la Semaine - Bien entendu

-Vous faites aussi un peu de cuisine?
-ben enfin je me débrouille bien en fondue...
-Oui, bien en-fondue!

-->Oui, bien entendu!

Teoman's new discovery

Techno music went underground since the 90s, and I know that a lot of people took and still take techno as a joke, but it was a great musical movement in the 90s and I remember everytime I turned to M6 (The 6th french national channel mostly about music and american sitcoms like Family Matters or the Little House on the Prairie (harharharhar)) their commercials would always be about music, and in the late 90's, especially between 1997 and 1999 I noticed a lot of techno commercials for compilations like Techno Machina, or Utra Techno, Techno Hits Vol.16, and the famous x% Makina At that time I was not fond of techno because I had snobbish musical tastes and pop bands like U2 I considered as "youngster music which is uninteresting and always about violence and stuff" (look at what I listen to know... Chimaira!). I mean U2's greatest hits CD cover didn't attract me, that little boy with a war helmet, I stereotyped popular music as being always about violence when I listened to stuff like the Spice Girls or pop music like Natalie Imbruglia.

Now when I look back on the history of music and how I didn't live the 90s correctly (being retro in my mind and praising the past) I notice techno is great music. I think it's a great concept to make music out of synths (I love synths, just not when they take over metal or rock music.) just like in New Wave, or Electro Funk. But what I like about techno or Hard Tech is that it's sometimes hardcore and some tunes and melodies that are played can be well transcribed to rock. Plus I think the best parties or night clubs are the ones that have techno all along, instead of the crappy rnb or mostly bad (although there is good) House music. I know France is well off in DJ music such as House, Disco, Techno and so on. I also love those skins that you can download for your computer that look like the modern techno-cyber punk style. You know, the modern style with green lazers, fluorescent green and yellow lights, a blacklight, and blue graphic equalizers all around. Kinda like the Deftones concert in Rio in 1998. This was close to the typical of the techno style I'm talking about. The lights and effects were typically 1998, everything was blue and all. I don't know much about techno and bands, I know this one guy called DJ Tiesto and his concerts are also typical, with lazers all around, but there is something missing which was common in the late 90s which is hard to describe. If you look at this picture, in the background there are random things written and little bars that look like equalizers and bars and shit, and I think it's close (but still not there) to the kind of late 90s techno I'm talking about, except that it was blue in the 90s instead of orange like here.

Nowadays the art of techno has evolved and you see it more on MTV in France, this new 2000s design appeared, mixing collages with photoshop paint splatters and spray paint. Just like this picture (I also recommend the artist he's one of my favourite):

So yea techno has evolved and I think I am going to look further into this kind of music since it's quite undeground now. I know one day it's gonna rise up again kinda like Rock although the way rock rose back was crappy and a million pseud0-bands came up and it sucked.

Why am I talking about techno all of a sudden? Because I just got this sick ass software for music programming and arrangements, and it's an actual professional software, the sound effects sound quite realistic although it's MIDI, but it works well, and I wrote my first song on it. I wanted to play around with the knobs and buttons so I created a techno song just for kicks. Check it out. (Don't forget to turn off the player in the column on the right otherwise everything will sound like shit if it already doesn't.)

Oh yeah the software is called Propellerhead's Reason 3.0. It's good. Real good.

From Toronto with um tss um tss um tss um tss um tss um tss um tss um tss,
-Teoman

The search for inspirado (oh hi! I finally wrote a fucking article!)

The media rock. I mean crap, man, look at that, look at all the media's got and give. Movies, series, and sometimes songs give you inspiration by their subject;

Animes that have a message can motivate you for their subject:
GTO motivates me for school and being a sarcastic humanist.

Series give get me motivated by some characters that they have:
Fuckin Dr.Cox in Scrubs rocks, the sarcastic guy who is right and experienced, also with a well decorated apartment and has the classic Whisky comfort on a nice shag couch.

Music is my life:
Many bands inspire me to do a shitload of things that I know I'll enjoy, being on the road, going on tour, recording, playing music, being recognised for a particular trait or talent...

Some movies or video games also have attractive traits;
Solid Snake has the best mullet I've ever seen (and the first too) and I know one day I'll have a mullet too, a good one.
Harry-Gregson Williams or Hans Zimmer have an awesome job, writing music for films. Williams wrote the music for the Metal Gear Solid series starting from the second (Sons of Liberty) and crap, man, the talent! THE TALENT!

There are many things I can name and I only named the ones that came up to my head in the first place right now.
The media rock. I also see what some people have done in the media in France and they are the kind of guys I would like to be. People like Patrick Poivre d'Arvor, or Patrick de Carolis, or Laurent Ruquier, but I don't wanna be them, I just wanna have what they got. I don't really like the guys, I just like their jobs. They got fame, they work well, they earn a shitload, they own stuff, and I would like to be that kind of guy. I guess it'll take me time to create my own record label, but meanwhile it's a good start to work in broadcasting. That's I think what is best, I'll sign up for broadcasting studies in Communications.

Ah, Communications, a double major program which I guess I will combine with Sociology. Good stuff. I'll get to go to Seneca college at York U, where I'll be able to work maybe part time or in internship in the whole broadcasting world. Cool, I guess I should start off by that. I guess I could join or create a band meanwhile just like that for kicks and see how that leads me. It's always the best experience. Already working at Radio Glendon works, hey I'll get to see Chum FM and Much On Demand on Monday, baby, I'll be in the audience, booing off Three Days Grace, Justin Timberlake, Panic! at the disco, Fall out Boy or other random bad bands. Here's for example how the show goes with a band I like, with a good song. This is Lillix performing Sweet Temptation on MOD. It's good stuff.

I don't really know the show since I never watch it, I know that bands perform there live since I got some Sum41 videos at M.O.D, but then again I duno if there is a band everyday. Then again, knowing myself, this is the 3rd time in my life that I was supposed to go to a TV show (the first one was for Fox Kids in France, and the other one was for a rejected show on France3 in France again in the early 2000s.) and since the first two got cancelled at the last moment I guess this one will NOT be cancelled (cos Much on Demand can't be cancelled since it's live), but something will stop me from being there, like a limit of people in the audience, or me being fat, or having a zit next to my nose, or we arriving late, the subway slowing down, rain, an accident, a wrong date, or maybe we just don't have passes to be in the actual audience, just to watch the show from the hidden window backstage.... I duno, it's so uncertain.

So yeah basically Monday sounds like fun, getting to see a whole radio building and how it works. Unfortunately I'll get to miss a bowling night with the Japanese club...shite, for once there was some activity going on it had to be two good ones at the same time!

Anyway I guess I'm pretty well off for being in the broadcasting business. Not because I'm just hosting my own show, but also because I watch a lot of movies, listen to a lot of music, and know that this is one of the jobs I'll like doing (alongside being an astronaut which I have no chance of being, and working on video games which COULD happen but this is uncertain since I don't take computer studies as a major.)

So where do I go from here? Well in order to fulfill this...hmmm...ambition I'll have to get (once again) that famous C+ average in order to transfer to the main campus in order to enjoy working on that double major in Communications and just get it on with my life and build up to something.
For the moment what I do sucks, and my computer teacher still didn't get back at me in like 4 weeks now since I sent him the late work and project. Last time I saw him he claimed I sent it late, well duh, if you had looked at your files on Friday you would have noticed that it wasn't too late since they had been sent that Friday morning, so still in time, on the deadline!

Just for my fellow listeners (therefore just my parents) there will be no show on monday because the radio will be closed for the week, since it's what York calls "reading week" which is basically a week off for studying. This is when I'll be visiting those radio HQs.

So c ya another time when I get something interesting and/or random to post. This article sucked since it was about me.

From Toronto with inspiration and ideas for a bright future (which could fail if something goes wrong),
-Teoman

(P.S: Fuckin nobody noticed the friggin fixed background and the head banner? Are you bitches blind or what??? I've been working hard to find somebody and a good looking banner to publish it with all my little heart for this beloved blog! Nah jk, Kyan did all the work for me! Kudos to Kyan for her work and dedication in this creation, it looks quite good, thanks for that!)

Le Calembour de la Semaine - Mieux votard....

-Vieux motard que jamais

-->mieux vaut tard que jamais

(j'ai contrepeté...)

Watch this, bitch!

Teoman's Band of the Month - Chimaira

Oh fucking hell yes!! Chimaira man! On the top chart along with In Flames, my favorite Metal band! You want hardcore? You got it! Get ready for Chimaira, pronounced Kai-meh-rah. The monster will rock this fucking blog with its riffs and crazy ass blues solos. Chimaira's the name, Metalcore/Groove metal is the game!

Chimaira are:

Mark Hunter (Vocals)
Matt DeVries (Guitar)
Rob Arnold (Lead Guitar)
Jim LaMarca (Bass)
Chris Spicuzza (Keyboards, Vocals)
Andols Herrick (Drums)

Coming all the way from Cleveland, Ohio, Chimaira are a Metalcore band and one of a kind, I'd say. They are actually good friends of In Flames and you can actually see that on Chimaira's DVD The Dehumanizing Process one of the members has an In Flames t shirt, and on the In Flames' DVD Used and Abused one of the guitarists has a Chimaira t shirt. They will be coming to Toronto this month in February to the Kool Haus as an opening band for Killswitch Engage, along with DragonForce, and He Is Legend (fuckin A) under the No Fear Tour program. Why do I love Chimaira? Because it's hardcore (not as hardcore as Nile or grindcore music though), it's sometimes melodic (I always seek that!), and they have great solos, based on Blues riffs and pentatonics. Rob Arnold, the lead guitarist, claims that his style was inspired by Kirk Hammett (Metallica), "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott (Pantera), Dave Mustaine (Megadeth), Marty Friedman (Megadeth) and Kerry King (Slayer). You can hear it in the solos!
Their upcoming album, Resurrection will be out on March 6th, and guess what, I already have it, and it's pretty good! It doesn't have as many solos as in their previous self-titled album, but it still sounds good. This band could be the next upcoming metal band of reference like Pantera, Metallica, and they're on the right way for that.

I guess I have nothing else to say about them, except for enjoy Chimaira this month on Goreface69.

Update this, bitch!

Well I'm back after nearly a week of performing Le Diner de Cons and it was a great success, we got a big ovation and some people came to see us more than twice! I wish it lasted a few more nights though but oh well you can't ask for a blue moon. It was excellent working with all the crew and the cast, everybody was always nice, always kind, never pissed, never raised their voice. It's something good to see after having lived in a country where the only authority and respect can be achieved by yelling and lame sarcasm ("Moi je suis pas payé pour ca je peux partir maintenant y a aucun problème tu me le dis si je te derange!").
Anyway Goreface69 is back online and I'll make my band of the day today.

Get ready for Freddy!